Month Eight: Man in the Mirror

Dempsey is in his mirror stage. I remember learning about this from a psychoanalysis perspective in graduate school and it always made me a little sad. From my understanding of Lacan (which is really limited), the discovery in the mirror marks the moment an infant becomes a subject in the world. It is the first encounter where they "see" him/herself as whole. Before this moment, the baby only saw his/her fragmented form (grabbing a foot, looking at a hand, etc). From a Lacanian psychoanalysis perspective, it is a moment of awareness between the body and the image that develops self-hood and the "I". However, that "I" is understood to always be dependent on external objects, the images, and on the "other" that defines the self. (I am fully aware I am butchering Lacan, go easy on me).

I know this is a necessary and not really a negative moment in development. Maybe it makes me sad because it is so huge. In so many ways this is important. Those who we surround him with become so important, self esteem is introduced, and identification and division with others is created. Perception is shifted, the role of the gaze of "other" (you, them, her, him) shifts his internal perception, language and symbolism begin to emerge, and the list goes on and on. It is also his introduction into community, and it just feels like the most important marker of my role as a parent - to help him navigate a world where he can develop a healthy sense of I, while being part of a larger community. Where defining self, which inherently creates division, needs to be coupled with understanding and invitation to accept difference in our communities. Where he will most definitely feel insecurity, embarrassment, and peer pressure. Helping guide, protect, lead, acknowledge, create opportunities, embrace, and allow space for little Dempsey's "I" is an overwhelming responsibility as one of his parents.

And Dempsey seems very into this stage. I often find that he has rolled over to the mirror and is playing peek-a-boo with himself. His shadow on the wall intrigues him, and he catches his image in any reflective surface we pass. I don't really remember Madeus (my three year old) having this much involvement. But perhaps it was because this marker overwhelmed me so much I actually avoided mirrors a bit with Madeus;)