Month Seventeen: We Rule the School

Dempsey has started going to Montessori for a few hours twice a week. In January he will start the toddler program at Madeus' school. It pretty much breaks my heart. He approaches this as he does everything though, as you can see from the picture. (It doesn't go as smoothly once he is there, that boy loves his mama).

I am One!: A Year in Review

When I was in high school, I used to end each school year with a review of my favorite clothes, teachers, experiences, etc. so I thought I would do a modified version for the little man (um, three months late to post of course).

Dempsey's 1st Year:

The Favorites -
Toy: any baseball bat, he drags it around while crawling
Cuddle: his giraffe blanket
Food: this one has a sweet tooth, I think it is mango, he loves any Happy Baby puree as well
Person: Me! I want to always remember how the moment he sees me, he crawls over so fast with
sound effects that can be described as a mix between a laugh, a coo, and audible breathing. If I
am sitting, he will scoot right into my lap. I LOVE IT!
Activity: for the first 1/2 of his life it was traveling in the ERGO, he was so content. Now I would say it is frustrating his brother by intruding in "his" play space. Oh, and he loves the pool.

Dislikes:
Apparently sleep. Still has not slept through the night. Let me remind you he is 1.
Staying in a highchair for more than 10 minutes.
Staying in a carseat
Staying in a stroller (do you sense a pattern?)
Sadly he no longer loves the Ergo unless you are walking somewhere quickly or nursing
Salmon Sprout food (who can blame him, lapse of judgment on my part and I bought it in bulk)

Voyages:
Birth
A cross country roadtrip at 6 weeks old to our new home in Colorado from New York City
California roadtrip

Biggest challenges (well for his momma at least):
this whole sleep thing, I had no idea.
February illness of the family.
Dempsey has already had several ear infections.
Moving with a newborn. I just wanted to cuddle.

Some of the best memories:
Watching the boys play on the floor together
Anytime Dempsey laughs and smiles which is often
Christmas morning all together
Dempsey's lemonade party
Spending hours in bed nursing and sleeping while watching Say Yes to the Dress when Madeus was at school

On The Eve of One: Ride The Wonder Wheel

On the eve of Dempsey's birth we went to Coney Island.  Dempsey was not due for two more weeks but the expectation from all was that he should have already arrived.  My midwife suggested inducement around 36 or 37 weeks because of a water condition I had developed. But then she decided to wait.  I was contracting since 27 weeks and have not slept in over 6 weeks.  I was in and out of the hospital/doctor for a few false alarms. My parents had arrived and I felt the pressure of waiting.  There were a lot of tears.

We went to Coney Island on the hottest day I can remember.  I sat on a bench next to a girl that was due any day.  She was half my size.  I wore a black dress because that was all that fit. Madeus went on the questionable kiddy rides which were drenched in sun.  My mom felt sick from the heat.

We sat on the beach and put our feet in the water.  Madeus laid on my tummy.  He sang Twinkle Little Star to Dempsey.  Madeus rarely showed this kind of affection during the pregnancy.  When the day was over and I could no longer walk, Michael went and got the car along with lemon Italian ices for us all.

I finally fell off to sleep that night and what I think were only minutes later, my water broke.

Coney Island broke my water.

Closing in on One: Making Memories of Us

The countdown has begun to Dempsey's first birthday.  I am reminded of Madeus' 1st birthday and the attachment I have to this milestone. And by attachment, I mean the physical, emotional, and mental discharge my body goes through during this week.  Lately, I have been remembering a lot about my pregnancy. Not necessarily the bad and the ugly (and as I have blogged, it was both those things), but the quirky little moments.

I ate 2 artichokes a day.  It soothed my stomach.  I think I ate 7 or 8 one week while watching the Olympics. 

I chewed ice constantly, bags and bags of crushed ice.

I threw up the day I realized I was pregnant and I was only 5 weeks along. It continued until the last push.

Madeus always said the baby was a girl, and that is all he wanted.

The four times I was at an Amusement Park were the four best moments of my pregnancy.

Madeus tried to give the baby cars and said, "Come out baby, cars!"

I would stop at the best discount designer store ever, Daffy's on the way to my midwife appointments in midtown and get a slice of pizza and a cream soda after.

My midwife did more clinical tests than any doctor I have had which I thought was weird. She always wore black, with severe hair, and a stern but warm Jewish mother temperament.

New Yorkers would always get up for me on the Subway. I am not sure if they were being nice or if they thought my belly was dangerous to their safety.

For the last month, I stayed up all night, ever night watching episodes of the L word. 

I ruined my Iphone while resting it on my belly in the bath. My belly was big enough to be my table very early on.

I was petrified when I realized I was about to give birth again. This was a bit surprising, since I had done it before.  I told Mike I did not want to go.

Month Eleven: It Beats Me Everytime

"I just can't figure out what you are up to.  It beat me everytime." Peter Bjorn and John.

A Dempsey has broken loose in our house.  He is on, around, in, and over everything and everyone.  Oh I remember this stage with Madeus. It was the turning point.  The verdict is still out on how mobility will change Dempsey's personality. But for now, my heart is always in my chest.  I gasp, scream, lunge, and pray most of my days away.  Marked as one of my least favorite stages in Mad's early day as well.  It makes me a momma. As my mother in law always quotes "choosing to have a child is choosing to have your heart walk beside you."

I have thanked the heavens above in two recent events.

Earlier in my writings, I discussed Dempsey's fascination with the mirror.  The standing full length mirror that we knew needed to be baby proofed but we had not got around to yet.  In fact, just the morning before, I realized  there was also a wood hanging shelf behind said mirror that also need to be moved.  Fast forward, Michael and I are eating dinner, Madeus is on the couch and Dempsey is scooting around. I am facing Dempsey, Mike's back is turned.  I see Dempsey push the mirror once, and it begins to fold. There is a moment in which I think Dempsey will move away but then I see him go to push again.  I scream Mad's name because he is closer (but Dora is on so his reactions are quite delayed) and I lunge.  I trip, and the only way to describe it is a slide to steal a base. I reach with my right hand and close my eyes as the mirror falls, and Dempsey's head is saved by my hand as the mirror crashes down. There is a second crash as the wood shelf too comes down and lands with further force on the mirror and further force on my hand. It was such a close call that at first, I am not even entirely sure Dempsey made it out ok.  But he did. I was sore. And we were shaken.

Event #2 is not nearly as dramatic but the little man still could have sustained injuries. And yes, as second time parents, all of this should have been taken care of earlier but with Dempsey there were no real warning signs, his mobility transformed in a day.  Case in point, Dempsey never has even sat up in his crib.  He is always lying down when I go to get him. Therefore, we had not lowered his crib bed further yet.  A few weeks ago during nap he was crying. Often, I will let him cry but for some reason I went in. My little baby was standing up, arms parallel over the top crib bar, reaching out for me.  Many thoughts went through my head and "what ifs" if I chose not to go in that day. One more little lean for his little unstable body and he would have been over.


He is getting sturdier each day, lifting up on everything, finding ways to get down without smacking his head on the hard wood floor and I have to just wait...and pray... that soon there will be less falls and less reasons to gasp...and lunge.

Madeus is three and I have still not reached that stage.  I have a sneaking suspicion I never will, as my little hearts run beside me.

Ten Months!: The Breakdown

The Little Dempsey turned 10 months old yesterday and he has grown more in the past few weeks of his little life than ever before:

~He joined us on a road trip to El, Paso Texas to visit my dad and got 5 teeth within 4 days.
~Just today he began pulling himself up to standing up position particularly when he is trying to get something of his brothers.
~He army crawls everywhere, it seems a if he will never use all fours, some have told me this is do to wood floors.
~We have recently cracked down on the sleepless nights and let him cry it out a bit.  We are now getting 5 hours from him at a time thank goodness.
~He is great with naps, two a day, the longer one in the morning.
~He prefers small bite foods to all purees, seems to have taken a liking to meat and fruits, definitely has a sweet tooth.
~He has strong fine motor skills and can pick up even the smallest object and place it where he wants.
~He loves anything musical and rocks his head when there is any kind of a beat.
~He has no interest in the television.
~He is definitely going through a mommy stage and has a hard time when I am not holding him if I am in the room, but if I am out of sight he adjusts.
~Says mamamamamama.  I am taking that has his first word of "mama". Because I want to.
~Still nurses all the time but has recently taken to biting, pinching, scratching. I look forward to weening with this one.
~He pants and makes noises in a really deep, gruff voice.
Starting to use a little cup but does not have the hang of it yet.
~He weirdly has a hard time getting his thumb through long sleeve shirts, it always bends backwards, and seems double jointed.
~He has really small feet. Smaller than Madeus at this age.
~He still smiles ALL THE TIME.

Month ten: My Salvation Lies in Your Love

Month nine: Little On Up

Dempsey always seems younger than he is and Madeus always seems older. I am not sure why this is exactly but I have my hypotheses.  And/or birth date: Dempsey was two weeks early.  Madeus was two weeks late.  And/or birth order: Madeus is my first born and Dempsey is my baby, and therefore, he will probably always remain the baby.  And/or their personalities: Madeus was so quick to assert independence, and Dempsey still seems fairly content in my arms.  And/or it is me: I am less in a rush to feed Dempsey solids, to see him crawl, to buy him shoes.  I know all these things happen in due time, and they come too quickly as it is.

And the little man is doing his thing.  He finally cut his first tooth this week, and got pink eye a day later. He scoots all around the room but no full out crawl yet.  He sits up unassisted but falls quite easily.  He has a sweet tooth and is trying to shun vegetables.  He seems ready to move right to what we are eating.  He has everyone fooled with his sweetness, me included and he gets whatever he wants.  He has a michevious streak, he smiles at you when he knows he is doing something he shouldn't.  He is after Madeus' cars whenever you turn your back and has a persistence that will give Madeus a run for his money.

His adoration for his brother seems to be growing daily.  He tries to position himself so he can see Madeus and will even look around the person carrying him away to try and find Madeus.  He laughs freely at everything his big brother does.  Madeus jumped into the elevator the other day and Dempsey went into hysterics.  I even caught the two playing and laughing together in a way that made me do a double take.  For a moment, I could see them several years down the way, rolling and wrestling on the ground.

And still that little smile is just insane.  I cannot talk about it enough. Pure joy, comfort,bliss, love.

Month nine: All The Tired Horses

Dempsey celebrated turning eight months old yesterday with a morning full of vomiting. In fact, the last month and 1/2 sickness has engulfed our house.

I have been challenged. The day after Valentine's Day, I was told that my husband had the flu, Madeus had a combination of the flu perhaps, RSV, and maybe pneumonia, and Dempsey would develop RSV. The next two weeks go on record in the top five most challenging moments since I found out I was going to be a parent. I never realized I could be that sleep deprived and a series of bad timing and serious contagiousness left us without many people to call for help. Madeus has never been so sick. Dempsey got it last and I thought it was not going to be that bad but then he stopped nursing. For two night, he screamed the whole night and I would just pace the floors. I was reluctant to go to the doctor because they had already diagnosed him with RSV and said I would have to ride it out. However, we went back the next day and he had developed bronchitis and two ear infections. The poor little man had blisters on the back of his throat which coupled with the ear pain, explains why he could not nurse. He had antibiotics and recovered. I fell sick but not badly and we thought we were in the clear.

Then last week we believe Madeus got food poisoning and last Sunday night I got it as well. Madeus recovered pretty quickly, but I have never been so sick and so scared of getting sick. We recovered and on Friday, I took the kids to the indoor play park at the mall and Dempsey started to projectile vomit. I was soaking wet, trying to gather Madeus from the park and get out of the mall as fast as possible. It continued for the next 24 hrs. He is all better. However, it does seem a crazy coincidence that we had two food poisonings (from the same hot dogs) and one stomach bug all in one week.

And then today Mike again has a fever and a cough, and just now I hear Madeus coughing from his room.

Until this year, I had the healthiest little boy in Madeus. He has still never taken an antibiotic and he just recently had any stomach illness for the first time. Some people say this is what happens when children go to school and Dempsey is suffering from being the second child in a family where the first child is bringing home germs from school. The pediatrician assures me it will only build his immune system. The whole thing has made me feel inadequate, frustrated, depressed, and just exhausted.

But, tomorrow starts the first day of Spring and I hope also the reblooming of my little family. Dempsey, true to his little personality, smiled after every time he vomited. In fact, he takes it all in such Dempsey style, it was often hard to tell just how sick he was.

Month Eight: Man in the Mirror

Dempsey is in his mirror stage. I remember learning about this from a psychoanalysis perspective in graduate school and it always made me a little sad. From my understanding of Lacan (which is really limited), the discovery in the mirror marks the moment an infant becomes a subject in the world. It is the first encounter where they "see" him/herself as whole. Before this moment, the baby only saw his/her fragmented form (grabbing a foot, looking at a hand, etc). From a Lacanian psychoanalysis perspective, it is a moment of awareness between the body and the image that develops self-hood and the "I". However, that "I" is understood to always be dependent on external objects, the images, and on the "other" that defines the self. (I am fully aware I am butchering Lacan, go easy on me).

I know this is a necessary and not really a negative moment in development. Maybe it makes me sad because it is so huge. In so many ways this is important. Those who we surround him with become so important, self esteem is introduced, and identification and division with others is created. Perception is shifted, the role of the gaze of "other" (you, them, her, him) shifts his internal perception, language and symbolism begin to emerge, and the list goes on and on. It is also his introduction into community, and it just feels like the most important marker of my role as a parent - to help him navigate a world where he can develop a healthy sense of I, while being part of a larger community. Where defining self, which inherently creates division, needs to be coupled with understanding and invitation to accept difference in our communities. Where he will most definitely feel insecurity, embarrassment, and peer pressure. Helping guide, protect, lead, acknowledge, create opportunities, embrace, and allow space for little Dempsey's "I" is an overwhelming responsibility as one of his parents.

And Dempsey seems very into this stage. I often find that he has rolled over to the mirror and is playing peek-a-boo with himself. His shadow on the wall intrigues him, and he catches his image in any reflective surface we pass. I don't really remember Madeus (my three year old) having this much involvement. But perhaps it was because this marker overwhelmed me so much I actually avoided mirrors a bit with Madeus;)

Month Seven: Covered in Light

Seriously. Always. This. Happy. Love.

Month Six: Dempsey is 6 Months Old

We have encountered one of the first big markers, 6 months yesterday. And this little boy sure has lived a life in 6 months already. He was born on the upper east side of Manhattan, welcomed by my very large, loving, and generous New York family. He was immediately put into a baby carrier on my chest as we closed our beloved store. Six weeks after his birth, we headed cross country in our station wagon to Colorado. He took in the landscapes of the country and tested the beds of a lot of hotels and visited welcoming friends across the country, the Dodrills, Zwillings, and Crawfords. He arrived in Colorado to great fanfare from the Colorado contingent of family including our mothers, Michael's brothers, and my grandfather. Some of the NY family even came for a visit weeks after we left which helped the transition and of course, my dad made the trip as well. Three months past in a blur as we transitioned together and learned how to breath normally again. I began to process all that had happened in the last year and my emotions ranged quite a bit. Dempsey remained my center and encouraged me to remain present.

He has also reached his own little markers:

Physical: He has finally started rolling over both directions now. They came around the same time, a few weeks ago. He is working on sitting a bit more in his little Bumbo, activity center and swing. He has tasted rice cereal, sweet potato, banana, and avocado but we are not on a regularly solids schedule now. He has started sleeping a bit more. We are attempting to do away with the night feeding. However, rarely does he go more than 6 hours still.

Disposition: Still lovely. Seems to want you close by more often and lately, he wants to be held more. He gets distracted a lot easier while nursing. He follows voices, lights, and activity in the room.He seems to go to anyone without hesitation still but I still get the biggest smiles. However, I know this is only because I come with milk. And, he is totally in love with his brother no matter if Madeus is yelling in his face or shaking his arm, he laughs gleefully.









I look forward to the next six months, however, I will be totally fine with them being a little calmer.

Month Six: A Thousand Kisses Deep

Dempsey is looking out for me. I have mentioned his peaceful disposition and in his brother's blog, I talked about how once I had to ask Dempsey to go right back to sleep to help get Madeus to sleep and he did. Tonight, he was fussing a bit going to sleep and I went in to rock him, not because he really needed it, but because I wanted an escape from the madness and effort of getting a three year old to bed. Since Dempsey falls to sleep on his own most often now, he doesn't take much to rocking anymore. But tonight, I said, "please don't make me got out there" and he just let me rock and rock him. And instead of singing, he let me keep kissing him, turning from cheek to cheek, back and forth, as the rocker moved. I would add in a neck kisses in between which always sent him smiling. This probably went on for about twenty minutes. I hope I will always remember the complete bliss of kissing those red, squishy, glorious cheeks.

Month Six: Splish-Splash

Dempsey,

You should know. You never get a bath. It is awful but I just never do it. Your Moma insists on doing it when she is around because I never do. Anyway, last night you got your, um, weekly or um, biweekly bath. You found lots of your parts to explore for the first time. You always look a little stunned in the bath, probably because you have never got used to water, because, um, you never get a bath.

Month Six: Brown Eyed Boy

I think it is official. They are getting darker each day. I thought they were hazel but now I am pretty sure. Dempsey has beautiful brown eyes!